I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
