Define "chronic" masturbator.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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