I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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