Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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