so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
