The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
