I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
