I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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