wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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