We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
