If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
