My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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