I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
