Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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