I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize