I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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