When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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