Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
