What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
