the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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