y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
