So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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