You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
