SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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