I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize