i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
