TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
