If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
