I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
