I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize