I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
