He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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