I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
