haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize