just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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