You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
