It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
