I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
