he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
