Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vagina is officially offended.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize