There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
