i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
