DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
