finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
