Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize