When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
