How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize