What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
