ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
