Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
