Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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