opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
