fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
