i just had sex bonerless
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
