I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
