I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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