Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
