plz talk dirty to me
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
