so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
