I accidentally had phone sex last night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
