my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
