Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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