I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
