No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
