He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
